July 9, 2010

Calculus II Quotes

Posted in Humor, Quotes at 9:51 pm by faith786

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am losing my mind in calculus II this summer, but in my current adventure, I have recorded quotes from my professor because I think they are hilarious or down right awkward:

(FYI for non math people: integrals are a type of math problem to solve for. Function is like an equation y=3x is a function. [Although I get crazier ones.]

—“This is a blue collar math course–I want you to be able to walk out and be able to solve problems.”

—“The advantage of a summer session is that they are finite. It will end in seven weeks. Disadvantage is, you have to work hard those seven weeks.

(No, really?)

—“There are no ugly babies, no ugly numbers, no ugly functions. God made them all beautiful in their own way.”

—“Like there are no ugly babies, there are no ugly numbers.”

—“So we’re gonna grab this function by the horns and just rotate it around the x axis. (circling arm motion) wap. wap. wap. wap. And we’re gonna take your eye ball and stick it to the x axis so you’re lookin’ down the barrel of a gun. Now calculate the volume of that graph spinning.”

(After adding and subtracting 14)

Student: Hey! That is adding zero all sneaky like!

Professor: Not sneaky, clever. It is being clever.

—“If your integrals are in expressions of x, then your limits damn well better be in x.”

—“The function is continuous because I can follow it with my pinky.”

—“You just can’t blast L’ Hopital’s rule at everything. There are limits that using L’ Hopital’s rule will blow up at you.”

(Actually, L’ Hopital’s rule in general is always used with violent diction. “Blast it”, “Gun it”, etc.)

—“Time is precious. You must make every day count. (Go home) do some math, it will make you strong.”

(He says this at the end of EVERY class. He sometimes adds the ‘go home’ bit)

—“I don’t give partial credit because you don’t get partial credit in the real world. You either get it *right* or you get in *wrong*.”

—“Please read the next section and do not mind if I undoubtedly interrupt you.”

(Says this every time he calls someone to read something.)

(Literally in the middle of class he was talking about sequences and just cuts mid conversation to something else….)

“So when God told Noah he was going to flood the earth and to get two critters of everything, Noah went and got two critters, male and female of everything. And not just the pretty animals, but also the not so pretty and ugly ones. So he brought a pair of poisonous snakes called adders. After the flood passed, Noah goes and tells all the animals to get off the boat and be fruitful and multiply.

So one day Noah was romping around the woods and he sees the two adders and asked why they haven’t gotten busy. The snakes said that they are adders–they don’t multiply. So couple days later he goes into the woods and sees fallen trees everywhere and sees baby snakes crawling around. So Noah asks Mama and Papa adders how they had babies if they only add.

So they said that even with logs, adders can multiply.”


But in case you are not in math and don’t get the joke:

A law of logarithms is log(a)+log(b)=log(ab). So if you have the log(_)s of two things added, you can multiply them in the parenthesis to get the same thing. So there were fallen trees, adders multiplied… get it? (It is so sad I actually got that.)

—(He placed the book on the overhead and started to read a quote on the white screen but part of it was cut off)

“I would (take or jerk) off the book but then you won’t see the sequence properly.”


“…That was a poor choice of words.”

And my class broke out laughing for like five minutes. Someone tried to tell me it was an innuendo, but I didn’t get it. But my class laughed a lot so I put it up in case you get it.

—“Heavyside (mathematician) was a real cowboy. He would mess around with functions and make mathematicians mad.”



  1. GeniusAccordingToMyChemProf said,


  2. Noreen said,

    –“—”Like there are no ugly babies, there are no ugly numbers.””
    I have seen ugly babies and ugly numbers!

    –“—”The function is continuous because I can follow it with my pinky.””
    Love it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: