April 6, 2010
My Epiphanies (XVI)
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Note: Originally written March 15th, but I finally finished it today.
I can’t sleep and I haven’t been eating much, so this maybe written with more insanity than usual. I can’t focus on my school work, chores, reading–anything. In the past few weeks, I have been in a sort of ‘spiritual isolation’.
So you all know what that means! A Divine Invitation was going to come to my door and I received it earlier today–in my chemistry class.
(spiderman: no surprise!)
I was learning about acid-base chemistry and I was learning in class how paper deteriorates and the chemical process of preserving paper (specifically for precious rare manuscripts). I immediately beamed at every equation written on the board and I smiled at all the different weird aluminum complex ion structures. But then a chord snapped in me and I slowly sunk even deeper into my mental madness–
There is a meaning in every relationship we have. Relationships with our families, our selves, the physical world around us, the physical bodies we have and the mental opinions we have of things. I began to realize that something has drawn me immediately closer to books, closer to learning, closer to nature, and closer to contemplation in the past few weeks. By doing that, I am creating distance in my relationships with people and even to myself. I have been in a state of imbalance.
Balance is a very delicate thing in life but it is one everyone tries to achieve. Personally, I think the nature of college work kind of already throws a person off-balance but because human beings are capable of learning, we should be able to shift back the work load to balance it out. (Wow, that sounded like Le Chatlier’s principle….)
The imbalance I am in does not mean I need to stop walking plants or stop reading books, it just means I need to have proper time and attention distribution. Similarly, I think that if people spend too much time with family, friends and other people, they can lose contact with themselves and get into fights with people. That is what I realized about my brothers. We cannot talk for more than an hour before something goes wrong.
So how to strike a balance? Well, I just need to spend time with my family, other people, school and myself. It sounds really easy, but it requires thoughtful planning. Some times life requires us to spend more time in certain things, but if it is for too long, then you know something is wrong. But for me, there is a kind of spiritual isolation I have been in for about a year and I don’t know how to push it back into my life properly. I mean, I see the beauty and mercy of Allah everywhere–in my schoolwork, friends, food, plants, you name it. But I feel very stagnant with my relationship with God. And I don’t know how to make things right.
But point is, strike a balance. Sit down and write things out and see where it takes you. And if you are in my shoes and it seems like you will have to really think things out before shifting back into order, then make a good duaa. You can never mess up when making a good duaa.
And Allah will take care of you.