September 6, 2009

Pathetic Chemistry Lines *Updated 9/20/09*

Posted in Chemistry, Humor at 2:54 pm by faith786

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamu Alaikum,

This is for spiderman so that way she can stop harping on me. I don’t have many lines right now, but I will try to add to it later. Most of the lines I found either were too racy or were too loaded with chemistry jargon. And I would like to put a disclaimer that I don’t believe in pick up lines nor do I have any interest in getting into any form of that kind of relationship. But I am really tired and delirious, so this post came to be. I still didn’t finish my lab report AND IT HAS ONLY BEEN ONE WEEK OF SCHOOL.

Pick up lines

If I could rewrite the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together for U and I. (Online)

My favorite element is uranium because I love U. (Online)

You are so cool that molecules stop in your presence. (Online)  *At very cold temperatures, molecules/atoms move slower and at certain temperatures, even stop.

You have a mass and I have a mass. So we are naturally attracted. (Online) *This may be more physics than chemistry as there is a natural law that matter is naturally attracted to one another.

You must be a Copper Tellurium alloy because you are CuTe. (Online)

Will you be the proton to my electron? (Online)

Non pick up lines

YOU ARE JUST A SPECTATOR ION IN MY LIFE.  *Spectator Ions have no relevance or change in a reaction and therefore called ‘spectator’ ions.

Chemistry: What we do in the lab would be a felony in your garage. (Online)

Chemistry without biology is inorganic. Biology without chemistry is nothing.

My favorite word is NO. (Online) *N=Nitrogen O=Oxygen

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate. *Precipitate=solid or semi solid formed in a reaction that separates from the solution.

Chemistry Rule #1: NEVER lick the spoon.

Chemistry Rule #2: The delicate and expensive glassware ALWAYS breaks first….

Chemistry Rule #3: Cold and hot beakers look alike.

Chemistry Rule #4: If an experiment works, something went wrong.

Chemistry Rule #5: Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.

Chemistry Rule #6: In lab, we do not believe in miracles. We rely on them.

Chemistry Rule #7: When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Chemistry Rule #8: Teamwork is vital. It allows you to blame someone else.

Chemistry Rule #9: Always keep a record of what you are doing. It indicates that you have been working.

Chemistry Rule #10: Experiments should always be precise; they should always fail. *The story of my life.

Chemistry Rule #11: DO NOT stir your solution with a thermometer while heating it. It WILL blow up!

Chemistry Rule #12: A hot beaker placed in an ice bath will, quite simply, explode.

Chemistry Rule #13: DO NOT make any sudden movements or noise when the teacher/professor is handling 13+ Molar chemicals.

Chemistry Rule #14: If you don’t know, don’t let the lab instructor know you don’t know.

Chemistry Rule #15: If something catches on fire, tell the lab instructor it was already burning when you got there.

Chemistry Rule #16: If you start messing up, place 8 Molar HNO3 in an open beaker and blame it on the fumes.

Chemistry Rule #17: When things start going wrong, make it sound convincing.

Chemistry Rule #18: If you messed up, make the conclusion really long.

Chemistry Rule #20: What happened to #19?

Chemistry Rule #21: Never bite a solid substance to determine its physical properties.

Love is working with chemistry. Is that why (wo)men treat (wo)men like toxic waste? (Online)

If I knew what I was doing, I wouldn’t call it research. (Online)

…More later….

3 Comments »

  1. spiderman said,

    yes yes yes! now my heart is at ease.

  2. Noreen said,

    Rules 1, 4, 5, and 7 are gold. Funny stuff. You should get this published before someone rips off you.

  3. Roxas said,

    1,4,6,7,8 are the best.


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