August 29, 2009

Faith786’s New Rules (Hijabi Edition)

Posted in Humor, Social Commentary at 2:54 am by faith786

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamu Alaikum,

I was at Taraweeh and when I was praying, a women’s shawl (the woman in front of me) kept smacking my face after getting up from ruku. Then later coming home, I came up with these new rules, hijabi edition. You are allowed to disagree and or comment– =)

***Excuse my terrible grammar. It is 2:30 in the morning and I desperately want mango kulfi.***

**These may be more serious than humorous, but I am still listing it in humor**

1. Polka dot hijabs were so 90s.

2. No short sleeves or mini skirts (or other skin exposure, save face, hands and feet) with a hijab.

3. No ‘accidental’ bangs hanging from the hijab (that happens to have highlights and not a single strand out of place) [also known as hijab malfunction]

4. No makeup with hijab (Do you really want it smearing?)

5. Wearing a tight top and stuffing the hijab in your shirt is not cool.

6. When pinning shawls, you must make sure the open side doesn’t hit people when you walk and or pray.

7. Please, please PLEASE don’t act like a b-tchabis (I have actually heard that term about hijabis who mouth off and have no adhab) *There is a difference between being an independant thinker and some hijabi who treats everyone like dirt and thinks she is right all the time.

8. If you have a boy friend or constantly try to attract guys’ attention (or super tight clothes with a ‘perfectly’ pinned hijab), then I will agree with them when they call you a h–jabi.

9. If you constantly fix your hijab while you pray (after getting up from sajdah) you need an under piece.

10. Sunglasses on hijabs are not cool.

11. On a similar note, hats on hijabs are not cool.

12. Teenagers who wear the really big chadars with no pins or the see through shawls on Eid= convertable tops. Not cool.

13. Niqab + hijab= ninjabi

14. You cannot wear niqab with a super tight black abaya (that happens to highlight a certain area of female anatomy)

15. I am against hijabis at mixed gyms. There, I said it. If I can’t go to a woman’s gym, I am in the basement on the treadmill.

16. Hijabis can’t wear purfume. (But you can smell like soap from the shower)

17. People may disagree on this issue, but hijabis shouldn’t wear the super drippy, oily lip gloss. Chapstick, okay. Gooey lip gloss=gross.

18. A hijabi visiting some family friend’s house cannot pretend to ‘drop’ something in front of a guy her age and do the ‘slow curve’ when picking it up. (I have seen this over five times AND a girl explained this to me) If you do actually drop something, you will crouch down, not bend over, and pick it up quickly.

19. Niqabis/ninjabis with tons of eye make up=not cool and don’t do the ‘second glance’ or the ‘eye, mouth, eye’ glance. There are studies that can be taken as sexual. And I think it is plain creepy.

20. Metallic hijabs, see through hijabs, ‘frizzie’ hijabs, fur hijabs (I have seen them!), animal print hijabs, orange hijabs, super lacy hijabs  and burberry hijabs are not cool.

21. I don’t care about the rest of your wardrobe, but your hijab must be clean and ironed. I go crazy when I see an unironed hijab.

22. Hijabs should be color coordinated with your clothes, but if you are wearing a black abaya, then I guess any color works–except orange.

23. Hijab tans suck. (When the part of your face exposed gets a tan, but the area near your ears is normal. )

24. Showing your ears (via wrapping the hijab around your neck) is not cool. Covering your ears, but showing off your super loopy earings is discouraged.

25. Sticking your cell phone in your scarf is weird.

… I think that covers it. Anyone have anything to add to the list?

For Spiderman: Purple hijabs are cool.


1 Comment »

  1. spiderman said,


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