August 11, 2009
Faith786’s New Rules
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I have been writing a list of new rules (not inspired by Bill Maher’s new rules, but similar concept) and I think some of them are worthy to share with the world. I believe there is some wisdom in them, (HAHA) but also take them with a few grains of salt.
From the Desk of Faith786, future Dictator 4 Life and Emperor of the Free World:
1. Chai is a new food group (FDA under Faith786) and is recommended to have 1-3 servings a day.
2. Dissecting animals before your second year of medical school (i.e. in high schools or first year bio labs) should be outlawed. No one really learns anything in those classes if it is not their field of academic interest and it is killing innocent life for a grade. Cut class, not frogs.
3. There should be an international “Taubah” hour in which every single person in the world must sit still and think. This might actually solve some world problems.
4. To save valuable air time, news outlets should only report if someone came up with a SOLUTION to a problem.
5. You cannot be on the board of any masjid unless you actually help clean up the masjid on a weekly basis (taking a lesson from Hindu temples).
6. All reality tv shows should stop being aired for being completely unrealistic, stupid, not entertaining and providing absolutely no progress for the human condition. At least the Simpsons point out social problems; reality tv just makes people do stupid things to embarrass themselves for money.
7. Mcdonalds is not food. It is a heart attack in a bun.
8. Anyone who wears a Snuggie should be shot. There, I said it.
***Snuggie commercial that speaks for itself:
9. Lotas must be mandated in every single bathroom stall. I don’t care if they are chained to the walls, as long as it can reach the sink and back, everyone must use them… and then wash their hands!
10. Eating meat, eggs, cheese, super amounts of sugar and salt between two waffles or a deep fried bagel is not breakfast; it is a suicide attempt.
11. The author of Twilight must be banned from writing more books as her books are an insult to literature.
12. While we are on the topic of incompetence, teachers who don’t give a care about their students, don’t know their subject matter or can’t put in the time to help others should also be banned from teaching.
13. Cooking and cleaning are not ‘Woman’s’ jobs; They are life skills that EVERYONE should learn how to do.
14. Every person that goes to BU must have a two year class on dealing with having an identity crisis for it seems to happen to every Muslim that goes there.
15. Disney must be banned from making sequels to classic movies (although there hasn’t been a classic since Lilo and Stitch… I think.)
16. Aunties at weddings need to mind their own business and stop trying to hook people up or pressure them by constantly reminding people that either they are not married or they have marriage problems.
17. Anyone who does those stupid suggestive poses in pictures should be shot… repeatedly.
18. Pakistanis/American Pakistanis who go nuts on Pakistan Day and are so proud to be part of a country with a thousand problems and don’t want to be associated with India… go ask your grandparents where they are from.
19. Anyone who drinks more water from water bottles than glasses of water needs to see a doctor.
20. Comic companies need to stop making tv shows of classic series as teenagers. It is an insult to Batman and Spiderman.
… More later….