Assalamu Alaikum,

This was written in one go. Dedicated to a wonderful friend, but I thought it can really be about anyone who needs a gentle reminder that someone cares about you.

Dear Little Starlight

—

Dear Little Starlight,

Let it go.

Please shine so bright–

Don’t you know?

I am admiring your beautiful wonders.

—

Dear Little Starlight

Let it in.

No need to worry or be in fright.

Barriers begin to thin.

I am admiring your secret aspirations.

—

Time starts to fall apart,

Distance is lifted,

Dimensions are shifted,

As a dream ignites in your heart.

—

Dear Little Starlight,

Please shine until all the light surrounds you.

Keep your spirit in flight,

And may every thought burst your light anew.

—

Thank you.

(Source: http://www.scenicreflections.com/files/star_sky_Wallpaper_k75ax.jpg )

Assalamu Alaikum,

After a *VERY* long time, large number of requests and thinking, I decided I’m going to try this whole blogging thing again. =)

Today’s Random Rambling is about creativity. What really prompted me to write this were two things: I have been reading up lately how the American education system has been lacking the conditions and environment to help promote and foster creativity in children. The other are the recent criticisms I have been getting that I’m studying chemistry, which is so “left brained,” that it is so cut-dry, logical, monotonous and does not tap into the mind’s sense of imagination and creativity.

First things first:

There is nothing so powerful, so mysterious and so moving like a human thought. It is one of few things that really makes human beings so unique compared to what we know about everything else in the physical universe. There is so much to know and so much we can do and change with what we know that the possibilities are endless.

From an Islamic point of view, God created the universe and everything in it, including the capacity of human thought. And everything we learn and notice: different combinations of colors, mixtures of sounds, laws of physics, the human construct of mathematics, patterns in nature we see from stars in the sky to little subatomic particles–they are all just different paintbrushes God used to paint the universe. The universe is a way God makes Himself manifest; His Perfection, His Wisdom, His Love, His Light–and when we tap into the knowledge of the universe, and our thoughts, we learn more about His paintbrushes–and more about Him.

And what is so unique about this is that God also gave us the ability to interpret and come up with different perspectives of His Work. In a sense, we have our own little paintbrushes to add to the reality we observe as well as the ability to study God’s.

So being creative isn’t just needed to compete in a global economy or some ulterior motive as some education articles I have read suggest; being creative and innovative are human qualities. When we think more, and challenge our current understandings more, we are following our intrinsic behavior.

As someone studying chemistry, I actually think creativity is a *must.* I have to be able to play with molecules in my head, try different techniques in lab when one doesn’t work, come up with different solutions, think of bigger questions, and challenge theories I read all the time. If someone studying science took everything for face value and memorized everything he/she read, then we wouldn’t need the student–we have Google. =)

But that doesn’t go for just chemistry–every job and every passion a person might have involves being thoughtful and being creative. Colors and textures are not art, sound is not music, and studying the physical universe is certainly not science without trying new things and coming up with crazy ideas. Life is not stagnant and monotonous–it requires us to work hard and to keep progressing.

So be creative! Be innovative! Have passion! Question the world around you! Tap into what gives you inspiration! Never lose that intrinsic sense of curiosity of whatever it is!

Let your thoughts be a paintbrush and the universe be your canvas.

( source: http://www.bryanfranklin.com/wp-content/uploads/creativity.jpg )

[I'm way too lazy to spell and grammar check this post and if I attempt to do so, this will never get posted, so I apologize for poor writing.]

Assalamu Alaikum,

The summer is lovely, but some days can be a little more difficult than others. I was watching the storm, missing some dear friends and I wrote this for all the people I miss and do not know how to communicate with very well.

Drops

Rings of keys and shoe prints fell from above.

A blissful voice circled me with the breeze.

Memories drip off my cold fingertips.

Picking up my head to see drops of light from the sky.

Drops of light from your eyes—

 

I keep guessing—

Pulling my mind apart.

Every single spoken word or movement of my pen

Cannot speak so loud as my heart.

Assalamu Alaikum,

Life can often play itself out in ways I cannot understand or control. In times like those, I often turn to my friends who speak to me through the precious pages of my books. This time, one friend touched my heart while giving me a little more strength.

“All wisdom can be stated in two lines:

What’s done for you–allow it to be done.

What you must do yourself–make sure you do it.” –Khawwas

Assalamu Alaikum,

I have no idea what prompted the title other than the end of my spring semester and my summer break so far has all felt like a pre-mid life crisis. I do not know if that is really funny or mildly disturbing. Warning: Super long post.

But anyway, on to the topic of this post: circles ad chips.

Circles–for all you Emerson fans out there, Emerson was a huge fan of circles. He believed nature had this way of popping up circles everywhere and therefore, it was a unique kind of motif or perhaps even symbolic. Circles kept popping up in my life recently, one way it did was when I was tutoring someone math. The student is lovely; she works hard in school, is extremely kind-hearted, but it seemed like even after doing 40 problems with her, she was not capable of doing simple mathematical operations like adding and subtracting fractions, and especially with finding the area or circumference of a circle. I tried to explain how operations and formulas work, but it did not seem to sink in. Part of me started to get really frustrated–why couldn’t the student get it? We worked on it for days.

Another day and two hours of tutoring passes and then I started to think: Am I a really bad tutor? Is it that the student is not practicing enough or am I incompetent in explaining this?

Another session and I finally figured out what was really driving me up the wall: the student just wants to pass her math class; she has no idea why she needs to know this math for the rest of her life. Adding and subtracting fractions, calculating percents are things we need everyday, even if we are not consciously aware that we are using them and I am somehow not bringing that to her attention. I want her to do well in her class, but I also want her to have more mental tools in her toolbox that she can use for the rest of her life.

I realized that a part of me cared about her life, even though I do not really know her and I probably will not ever meet her again after I finish tutoring her this summer. That was something that blew my mind. It never occurred to me that was a part of teaching–it is not just about helping impart knowledge or helping kids get an A in a class. I want to somehow help improve someone’s life through education. I want to share a little more love and a little more happiness with someone else while they are learning because it seems like that is lacking between people. Just a little more love.

And that reminded me of teaching advice I got from a professor once: “It has to come from inside of you. It has to come from your heart.” Otherwise, no amount of preparation, handouts or lecture notes can make someone a great teacher. It just never really hit me how much that matters. To simply care for someone else for no reason other than to spread love. (As 70s-ish as that sounds, I think it is true.)

—Interlude—

CHIPS!!!! (Call out to Sarah! That was an awesome dinner, no? XD)

Recently I had to attend a walimah out of town. It was a lovely trip–I spent time with dear friends, I got to see new places, had some crazy adventures, and on the way back, I started to think about the walimah. The walimah had a nice variety of food, but pretty much all the dishes had something my friend was allergic to.  So my friend and I decided to hit the gift shop at the hotel where the walimah was held. We bought some soda and chips and she happily ate them as we laughed at the whole situation.

Although all we did was simply buy some junk food and ate together, I realized it was still something special. It is an old saying that sharing food increases love between people, but I wonder if it really was true here. My high school math teacher would *always* offer food to anyone who would come after school for tutoring and I remember he told me once that there is a kind of blessing in food and even more when you shared it. Every time he said that I had to take a piece of chocolate or almonds from his desk.

But I think the sharing food concept goes a little deeper than that. Maybe it links to the same idea of caring about others and sharing food is another manifestation of that. I guess both lessons from the math tutoring and the food may seem elementary, but I think they are profound when it comes to the implications they can have on our lives.

The reason why the title of the post includes the ‘pre-mid life crisis’ is because I think I have met a lot of people who have very different values than me and because I have seen so many different people, they are making me wonder if I should question my own values or if I even know what they are to begin with. Tutoring that student in math made me realize that caring for others *matters*. Whether or not I’m going to be a teacher, I still want to care for other people for the rest of my life. Sharing food with others may increase love, but it is also done out of love and I think that intention makes all the difference.

So I might not know exactly where all my opinions and stances are, but I do know those two and maybe the more I find out about what I value, maybe I can get out of this mad pre-mid life crisis. =)

Assalamu Alaikum,

Note: Written March 9th

Someone said something very interesting that sparked my mind–what makes something beautiful?

My friends were able to give many examples of things that are beautiful and ideas or thoughts that are beautiful. But they were all examples. Interestingly enough, I didn’t really agree too much with what other people were saying on what is beautiful. For them, it seemed to be more materialistic: people and objects. By all means, I think people can be beautiful, nature tends to be very beautiful, and random works or art can be beautiful. But when I first heard the word beautiful, the first thing I thought of was a pen and paper.

I find beauty in the human mind.

Later I had inorganic chemistry and I learned about carbon monoxide and iron in hemoglobin. The reason why carbon monoxide is poisonous to human beings is because one of carbon’s molecular orbitals almost identically matches the energy, shape and orientation as an orbital in iron. When those two orbitals overlap, it such a strong bond that it doesn’t leave the blood cell and inhibits the cell from functioning properly. I was shown the math behind those orbitals–I was able to predict the shape of those orbitals. And it the thing about it is, it is real.

So how is that beautiful? That even though human beings cannot physically see those orbitals or see small carbon monoxide molecules, people were able to use their minds and logic to explain something not directly tangible to them. And it is astounding to me how some times nature works. I often think that when people get sick, it was because of some malfunction or screw up in the human body. But here is an example of two molecules behaving perfectly the way they do and that causes human beings to be harmed.

But I think it goes beyond that.

People can be really smart and know textual knowledge, but how we act on it and the decisions we make can also be beautiful. I was once walking outside in the rain and a girl came up to me and asked me why I looked so down. I was actually just thinking about the things I needed to do that day, but she pulled my arm and placed my hand on the trunk of a tree and asked me if I felt anything. It was raining so I told her that the tree is getting nourishment. She smiled and said: “The tree is dancing in the rain and you can feel its heart beat with joy.” The girl was reminding me that there is goodness in everything and in the whole world around me. She decided to go out of her way to remind me of something so simple that I had overlooked that day.

In a way, there is something beautiful to what we do and think. But that beauty I think only comes when we choose to act or think a certain way.

But I don’t really know what beauty is; for me, I’m still learning. But I do hope this is part of coming to learn what it is. =)

Assalamu Alaikum,

Someone related this to me from her math class and I found it profound in many ways:

“You can’t solve a problem unless you understand it first.”

—Random Math Teacher

Assalamu Alaikum,

Today I went for a walk near the pond by my home. There was a small hole in the sheet of ice and a small puddle of water was visible under the bridge. I saw a shadow of my reflection and I was unhappy what I saw. From last year until now, I learned a lot about the world around me, but I became afraid that I was forgetting about myself. I do not want to lose my sense of self in the flow of life. Recently, I think I have been ruining my relationships with others and that realization had brought a unique type of pain in my heart. Then God’s Invitation found its way to me, inside a poem I read in a book:

On Pain

Your Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses
your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem
less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that
pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the
winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within
you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy
in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by
the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has
been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has
moistened with His own sacred tears.

–Khalil Gibran

And reading something like this went beyond that–I think I found a certain kind of tranquility the poem was talking about. At least I started to become more aware of faults now. Imagine if I never thought I was making any mistakes at all–then I would really be lost. So I think Khalil Gibran was really on to something by describing pain as breaking our small shells of understanding. That in itself, it has some capacity to heal our hearts (from spiritual illness). And it also rings an echo of things Imam Al Ghazali would say–that often unhappiness and pain is simply God trying to make us turn away from the world, and turn back to Him.

Later in that evening, I was walking outside and I was thinking about that. And I realized God is beautiful–even in the ways He helps us when we mess up. Often people focus on the theme of redemption as a stage of people’s lives/stories, but the stage of pain has a profound influence on an individual’s growth that I do not think should be regarded as bad or be dismissed. How does pain help us grow? How does pain teach us? Maybe that is something to think about.

Assalamu Alaikum,

We are in the days of Forgiveness. There are a bunch of things running through my mind, but I came across an ayah that warranted this post:

And may not those who possess superiority (in wealth) among you and possess capacity, swear not to give to the relatives and to the needy, and to those who left their homes for Allah’s cause. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

–Surah Nur, Ayah 22 [24:22]

So people, there are two sides to the days of Forgiveness. One is to seek Forgiveness from Allah. Another is to seek and forgive others. How can we be good Muslims–good human beings–if we don’t have the hearts to forgive?

Once when I was little, I was sad on a Ramadan afternoon and I sat on the IFS hill. A person came up to me and, during a lengthy conversation, told me that there are observable cosmic rays, rain and rays of light that comes from the sky. But not many people know that Allah rains, *pours*, Nur, Mercy, Kindness and Forgiveness from the skies when we practice it and invoke God for it. Yes, rain is a product of physical and chemical processes (sort of), but it is in some ways a symbolic representation of God’s Forgiveness that rains on all of creation.

It may be couple days of Ramadan, but we have our whole lives ahead of us. What is one wrong done against you or a grudge next to eternity? I’m saying this for everyone out there and for myself–may God forgive us, may we have the strength and courage to forgive others and may we be blessed to be forgiven by the ones we may have wronged in our lives. And may we have the courage and ability to move forward as better, strong, beautiful and merciful human beings.

(The image is dedicated to Mally because I know she loves it.)

Assalamu Alaikum,

Yesterday a friend of mine witnessed an open heart surgery. She told me she was intrigued by seeing a live heart beating.

That got me thinking: beneath our still exteriors, our hearts are always beating. Even at our moments of supreme happiness, or deepest grief. We may never whisper a single word, we may carry a thousand secrets or several million thoughts across a silent open field, but our hearts still beat. Consciously or unconsciously, it is there keeping us alive. To me, it is a symbolic representation of God’s knowledge of everything we say or think. We may think we hide things or we may be unconscious of God’s infinite knowledge, but God always knows what is in our minds and in our hearts. Like our hearts keep beating no matter what we say, think or do, God knows everything in us, no matter what.

May not be the best logical connection, but it made me think.

“Whether you say a thing aloud or inaudibly, He has knowledge of the secret and the hidden.”

–Surah Ta Ha, Ayah 7 [20:7]